Why being a girl isn't working out for me:

Body: Oh, guess what time of the month it is!

Me: Please, god, no--

Ovaries: ALL SYSTEMS GOOOOOOOO!!!

Brain: I quit. i quit. kittens and cupcakes and no one loves me. oh my god salty snacks i am furious

Me: Please, guys, calm down--

Face: TIME TO RUIN EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EVER LIKED ABOUT ME. I'M GROWING MOUNTAINS, BITCHES.

Brain: And now I'm ugly! shbdksdnksbn

Torso: Time to practice labor. cramp this bitch up. GO GO GO GO GO GO

Me: STOP IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

Stomach: lol clothes cant fit you anymore. you are bloated. you are now a balloooooooon!

Me: I hate you all

Brain: I KNOW EVERYONE HATES ME I AM SO DEPRESSED. we need to procreate.

Face: Lol, i'm not done yet.

Uterus: what did i ever do to deserve this?

Brain: you just wait uterus. they're going to make you hold a baby for like 9 months straight.

Uterus: You mother fuckers.

Torso: CONTRACT!

Me: I quit being female, I am now a llama.

Brain: Me gusta.