Late Post About my Friday

I didn’t have school today because of Lincoln’s birthday. I kind of wanted to work on scholarships, do homework, or start on photojournalism for Bartels but I couldn’t find the motivation. I couldn’t find the motivation to do anything really. I felt like the entire day I was trapped. I knew I needed to get out of the house but at the same time I couldn’t bring myself to leave. Even on Friday night I was supposed to kick it with Jayson, Dez and whoever else they hit up, but I was so emotionally drained I decided to just sleep at 8:30 P.M. (I haven’t slept that early since middle school.) Even at work, I found it really hard to smile. I didn’t get irritated from customers, but I just couldn’t bring myself to smile. I probably seemed dead to some people. I did have to constantly remind myself to be a bit friendlier though. Normally it’s so easy for me to act like I’m happy af when dealing with customers, but not tonight. I guess tue fact that my Lola is in ICU is taking more of a toll on me than I thought it would. My Lola and I aren’t so close, but I do remember her taking me on walks around base when I was a mere toddler. She’s been sick for years now and she’s so frail but I’m really worried about this time. Earlier this week she was just in the ER. She and I talked on the phone and she sounded like she was trying to say goodbye but she just didn’t know how. My dad even bought a plane ticket to go visit her, which just puts more emphasis about how serious it is. Well, back to the saying goodbye part, I really hope she’ll try to make peace my Tita and my mommy (her daughter in-laws; and yes, I still call my mother “mommy”). There’s been so much drama (here and In the Philippines) with her. I just want her to make peace with my Tita that way she can tell my mommy about it and maybe mommy won’t feel as if my Lola is the bad person almost everyone perceives her to be. I went to Cotixan’s with two of my coworkers after work though. It was nice catching up with them and seeing Brian work there. I haven’t seen him in long ass time.

*sigh* I’m just so tired and exhausted from everything. I need a break from life.